First off, don’t ask why I was at home early enough to even have the TV on. And second off, don’t ask me why Oprah was on the tube, I don’t know, and if I did, I wouldn’t admit it, not to you, not to my suspicious wife, no one!! However it happened to be, Oprah was on the TV and she had on many different people that were described as either experts or “test couples”. These experts and test couples were describing how to be sexier to his/her husband/wife. It cracked me up listening to people (actually just women, sorry, its science) go through much detail and analysis on how to accomplish this hard to reach level of sexiness for someone that sees them everyday in sweat pants or ponytails. I got the feeling that the ladies were making this entirely too complicated and were missing the fact that it is likely a matter of a couple of key adjustments. I also realized that men, as is typical in many areas, have it much easier. The woman just wants to see us put forth effort in this area, whether or not we attain the elusive nirvana of hotness and/or intimacy. I compiled a list of things that we men can do to help bridge the gap when the love canal runs a bit dry:
1. Brush most of, if not all, the cheeto crumb-dust from both fingertips AND shirt (come on she might be worth it).
2. When we say “That’s nice” as a standard, safe and generic response to her lengthy and detailed ”How was your day?” question, we should look in the general direction of her eyes (general, not exact. This is a realistic list.).
3. When we start coughing and choking on tonight’s dinner, we will go ahead and fake being actually sick for the entire night just to keep her from realizing it was in fact, the food that made us almost hork, not “our sinuses’” that we provided as an explanation for our sudden illnes (come on, it’s not so bad, we were just going to sit around and watch “Deadliest Catch” anyways).
I’m convinced there is even more that we as husbands and boyfriends can do to make that special lady feel even less frumpy, but I am too busy popping Benedryl and explaining my “sinus issues” as I begin to crash from the unnecesary self-medication.
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